


Nocturne

by Allthephils



Series: What goes on in Dan’s head-1st person drabbles [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Drabble, Established Relationship, Inner Dialogue, M/M, POV First Person, Sexual Content, What goes on in dan’s head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 01:48:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17798810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allthephils/pseuds/Allthephils
Summary: What goes through Dan’s mind when he finally let’s go.





	Nocturne

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet was inspired by [this stunning work](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17795480) by [Psychicmoth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychicmoth/pseuds/psychicmoth).

You don’t know it, but sometimes while you sleep, I trace my finger along your back and over your shoulders connecting the freckles into imaginary constellations. Maybe in a past life I was lost at sea, adrift alone in choppy waters and these are the stars that guided me home. In every life, I’ve found you and followed you home, the path illuminated by the light in your eyes and the lightness of your spirit. But I don’t believe in any of that, souls and past lives are fairytale nonsense. I don’t believe in god either but the word slips from my tongue often enough. _God, Phil._ Always paired with your name, just so we’re clear who the worship is really for. 

It’s just you, you shouldn’t be so fascinating. When your familiar lips move over my skin, it shouldn’t be so electric. I thought I’d manage to loosen my grip, when we got older, when we settled in and opened up. Instead, I leave marks from my fingers on the flesh of your shoulder, I pull too hard on your hair. You say these kisses are like 2009. You ask what’s come over me.  _ Danny, shh. I’m right here. _

 

Maybe getting older just means there’s more to carry, maybe having something so good for so long means I’m just so scared all the time. It looks something like panic when all of that falls from my shoulders. If I scramble to hold on, it’s simply the overwhelm of letting go, the burden of surrender. So you move slowly because you know. You know that every bite and scratch and tender kiss to reddening skin takes me further from the chaos in my head. Your hand fits just so around the shape of me, hard and leaking and wanting you. This primal piece of me, pulling the blood from my brain so I can’t think too deeply. All that’s left is to feel, warm and loved and desperate in the safest way. I could kiss you for hours. Isn’t that romantic? And so is this. So is you inside of me for as long as we can make it last. My eyes stay closed because to see you too would be too much. You worry when my eyes fill with tears, it scares you. So I listen instead and the length of you moves inside me, the pleasure building into white hot, mind blank, blinding, searing freedom.  _ Dan, Danny, Baby. Oh god. I love you. God I can’t… I’m gonna cum. _

 

There’s always a hint of an apology behind those last words. As if i wasn't hard in my pants at the mere suggestion that you wanted me. As if you can’t feel me throbbing in your hand before I spill over milky white fingers. This hand that took mine and led me here. You have this way of rocking me in your arms, after you cum. I can feel you soften and slip free of me, your arms strong and sure around me. Your lips press to my dewy skin again and again and you tell me once more how you love me. And I don’t understand, still, I really don’t but right now, I don’t have to. I’m empty, used up in the most welcome of ways. I’ll fall onto you when you finally lay back. I have no bones to move so I’ll just be here with you, liberated.

 

Tomorrow or perhaps the next day, I’ll hold you by your thighs, I’ll lift your ass right off the bed and you’ll open for me, panting and babbling my name.  _ Dan, Dan, more, please.  _ I’ll fuck you hard and fast and you’ll dig your nails into my thighs and clutch the mattress underneath you. You’ll arch and moan and we’ll laugh too because it’s all so dirty. There won’t be much kissing, just clawing and fucking and heavy breaths. You’ll cum in your own hand because you like to just get on with it and it won’t be slow or affirming or tender. It will be what you need and I’ll soar just watching you. You’ll wipe your hand on the sheets and I’ll call you a slob and then finally, we’ll kiss a lazy, fucked out, half asleep kiss. You’ll keep a hand my hip when you roll over to sleep but I’ll lay awake for at least another hour. I’ll drag my eyes over your heels, your calves, your sloping thighs, and perfect round ass. I’ll watch the subtle movement of your broad back as you breathe. And I’ll start in, mapping a chart on your skin, so I never forget the way back to you.


End file.
